What is CPVA?
Child to Parent Violence and Abuse is an abuse of power through which children & young people aged 18 years of age and younger coerces, controls or dominates others in the family. It is a pattern of harmful acts through which a child or adolescent gains power and control over family members through threats or use of physical, psychological and/or financial abuse/ violence. If parents/carers feel they must adapt their behaviour due to threats or abusive/ violent behaviour by a child or adolescent, then there is child to parent violence and or abuse.
About NVR
“NVR is an approach to families, schools and communities that is inspired by the doctrine championed by Mahatma Gandhi and by Dr Martin Luther King Jr”.- Haim Omer, 2021
Origins
Many people will have heard of Non-Violent Resistance as used by Gandhi, Dr Martin Luther King Jr and Rosa Parks in political and social struggles. Non-violent Resistance has also been used extensively in Ireland by Daniel O’Connell (1775-1847), Michael Davitt (1879) and more recently, the Dunnes Stores strike in the 1980’s when workers refused to handle South African Goods in protest at the apartheid system in South Africa. Protests at Shannon airport where activists monitor US activity at the airport are also examples of NVR in the Irish context. NVR is essentially concerned with resisting oppression and aggression through peaceful but strong methods.
NVR in Familes
Haim Omer adapted this approach in developing an intervention for families, schools and communities who are experiencing violence and abuse from children and adolescents. Noting that parents (and those in parenting roles) often experience ‘helplessness’ and ‘hopelessness’ when their child becomes more powerful, Omer developed the NVR model for parents who are faced with extreme behaviour from their children. It is designed to resist the child’s behaviours, prevent escalations and strengthen and repair the parent/child relationship.
Many parents report that they are ‘treading on egg-shells’ with their child and feel as if they have lost their authority. Conflict about school attendance, computer and phone use or alcohol and drugs can leave parents feeling powerless and they are often shocked to witness their child’s aggression and even violence. Often referred to as The New Authority, NVR supports parents to restore their authority while attending to their relationship with their child.
Implementing NVR
Parents and Carers can avail of NVR through parent groups or as individuals/couples. This process is supported by a trained NVR practitioner who works with the parent to take a new position in relation to the problem of CPVA. Parents are supported to focus on deescalating the conflict, taking a strong position of resistance in relation to the child’s behaviour and inviting support from friends or family.
In conflict, relationships are often under stress. While parents are supported to deescalate difficult situations, they are also encouraged to increase their presence with their child – to move away from punishments and consequences towards a more supportive but resistant approach.
These changes can be difficult to make and an experienced NVR practitioner will guide parents in making these changes. It can be helpful to view NVR as “a treatment for the interactions” as described by Haim Omer. Rather than locating the problem in the child and viewing him/her to be in need of treatment, NVR focuses on the patterns that have developed between the parent and child. Essentially, the parent is supported to lead the child out of these patterns and find a new way to resolve conflict.
NVR Ireland 